--million little pieces--

Million Little Pieces by James Frey, the first time I came across the title, I thought James Frey is a singer and A Million Little Pieces is his debut album. One gloomy day, I decided to kill time at Fully Booked in Serendra (which is by far the coolest place in the Metro…uhmmm…at least for a geek like me). My plan was to get a copy of Microserfs and stay the whole day in Starbucks and force myself to write, in the corner of my eye I saw the bestsellers list posted near the counter. Honestly, the first book I grabbed is the one written by Nina Garcia (editor – in – chief of Elle and the host of Project Runway) and I saw it! A MILLION LITTLE PIECES by: James Frey…”the title sounds familiar” and I was dumbfounded, that’s number 2 on my HEMF’s wish list for Christmas…First reaction was…”The little fucker knows how to read…” and the next was...”its probably sappy and corny” anyway, I picked it up and read the synopsis. The book is a memoir of an addict during his stint in rehab. I gotta be honest, I can relate to that and no, I haven’t been to rehab but I was a junkie before (but not to the point of destruction, I did it to kill my boredom and for fun and overused cliché of all time – because I was curious as hell.)

James woke up with a helluva headache, there was blood, spit and bile on his shirt, pain was all over his body and his four front teeth is bashed in. The first few chapters chronicle James’ addiction and how he got to rehab. One part of the book scared the living shit out of me; imagine getting root canal without any anesthesia and painkillers. I remember this line from Keira Knightley in Pirates of the Caribbean “you want pain, try wearing a corset” if you’d ask me I’d rather wear a corset!!!
He was addicted to every kind of substance; his drug of choice is crack cocaine. At the age of ten, he took his first sip of alcohol and started smoking pot. As he grows old, his addiction elevates. One part of the book describes his feelings for a girl he fell madly in love with when he was in college:


The first time I saw you, my heart fell.
The second time I saw you, my heart fell.
The third time fourth time fifth time and every time since, my heart has fallen...I stared at her.
You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body that you haven grown into, the way you walk, smile, laugh, the way your cheeks drop when you’re mad or upset, the way you drag your feet when you’re tired. Every single thing about you is beautiful.
I stared at her.
When I see you the world stops. And all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you.
There is nothing else, no noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you.
Just you and my eyes staring at you...
I stared at her.


You may call me a sap, but that is fucking sweet

James met all kinds of addicts in rehab, he also met Lily. I don’t want to go into detail on how two addicts fell in love. As James would’ve put it, Lily made him stay and he felt alive when Lily is in his arms. He fell hard for Lily, he saw hope in her deep blue eyes. He found comfort in her arms, he felt serene and safe whenever she is around.

Leonard – the mob boss. The first time he saw him was inside the cafeteria, he was accusing James of calling him a Gene Hackman clone. Leonard is ranting and pissed as hell. James is bruised and beaten and yet he never backed down, he looked straight into Leonard’s eye and said he’s gonna beat his ass.

Leonard smiled and said “Why are you here?”
James said, “I’m fucked up…”
“I’m fucked up too, my name is Leonard….”

And that was the beginning of their friendship. Leonard is a cokehead and the meanest son of a bitch in Vegas, he never had a son and that day he found one in James. He helped James deal with the pain and convinced him to stay and try to get better.

To sum it all up, this book is about losing one’s faith and redemption. This book made me cringe, laugh and cry. It was one hell of a ride.

--organized chaos--

Lost
Out of control
Spacey and scattered
Bits and pieces
Cluttered
Among the ruins
Broken
Broken beyond repair
My life of organized chaos